Puddle of Ink

Hee hee. I made the TMI list this week and thought if you were going to be led here, you might as well have something semi-amusing to read, right? Right. Cuz everybody else is doing it.

So I was thinking about all the times The Wrong Thing has come out of my mouth. You know those “ooh, that sounded dirty” moments? Yeah, I have them – a lot. Partly because of my gutter mind, partly because of…well, my gutter mind. This moment is one of my favorites though, because hi, I’m really twelve years old.

First, a little background: I have just turned eighteen, just moved out and just started my first “real” job. And I am on an almond kick. Yogurt and almonds (not together, mind you) pretty much account for my daily menu.

On my way to work one morning, I stop in at a recently-opened Publix to pick up a new bag of almonds to replace my dwindling supply at home. Except I can’t find the damn things, anywhere. I circle the place probably three times and still don’t see them. It’s nuts (ha ha, but I’m too tired to erase that).

Finally caving to the fact that I am a woman and women are apparently hard-wired to ask for directions (the fact that I’m going to be late for work might have had some relevance too), I track down some just-outta-high-school kid who has the unhappy job of stocking shelves at 7 o’clock in the morning, and I say the first words that come to my mind.

“Can you show me where your nuts are?”

(Um….yeah…I actually said that.)

He blinked, I blinked and we both realized at about the same instant exactly what I’d just said. We seemed to agree just as quickly that it was too early to make a wisecrack, and he instead pointed to the proper aisle, just barely covering his amusement. I proceeded to the check out with my oh-so-mature sense of humor and my bag of elusive almonds (which – random fact – are apparently not a “true” nut at all, but some weird pseudo-nut called a drupe…and drupe kinda sounds like it might make a fun new diss).

Now I only have Kroger nearby, but everytime I pass the nut display (*snerk*), I’m tempted to go find some stocker kid and ask the same question just for giggles. Yup, I’m cool. And while it’s possible that this is only funny to my best friend and my little brother, it’s far and away more entertaining than a zombie. I was going to write about the time a certain sheltered relative walked into a Starship store thinking it somehow pertained to Star Trek (for real)…but alas, said person is not here at the moment to give me the painfully awesome details.